Wednesday, January 4, 2012


omg. omg omg omg
i am so screwed. and i don't know what i'm going to do.
i am so fucking stupid.
again and again and again
it seems like i just can't get over the stupid. i'm always fucking living in a fantasy world. what the fuck am i going to do/

i thought i got a fucking bonus from work. stupid ass me.
and it was my fucking paycheck! only part of it, because of a what they call a 'mandatory shut down'
/which in MY Mind, was xmas break!/

so what i thought was a bonus. and has already been used for bounced checks. turns out to havbe been my pay and now it's the first of the month with a 900 dollar mortgage payment and i have 50 bucks in the bank.
thinking i would have 500 at the first of the month.

omg. what the hell am i going to do?

there's no one i can go to to borrow the money. and i already owe everyone i know!! FUCK FUCK FUCK.
and they wonder why i';m depressed and want to kill myself.

jesus god but i thought you were suppose to help me help myself?

what a fuckin crock.